Advice to my younger self
By Lt Lily-Mae Fisher
It was a huge shock to learn that the extraordinary life of Lt Lily-Mae Fisher had been cut short by the tragic loss of a Merlin Helicopter in Devon this week. The Naval Review extends its deepest sympathy and condolences to the families, colleagues and friends of Lt Cdr Chris Gayson, Lt Lily-Mae Fisher and Petty Officer Owen Green. As a tribute to them the excellent article she wrote for the Naval Review is available for all to read, a young life lived to the maximum may she and her crew mates rest in peace.
…The author, the only serving female RN Commando and currently a helicopter pilot in training, explores in this retrospective to her younger self the practical and mental lessons that motivated her to excel in her challenging and inspiring career. A 10 minute read.
Wow, where do I start? A lot of good fortune is coming your way but it will take a hell of a lot of hard graft, a lot of dark times, many hurdles to overcome, mentally and physically, but through all that adversity, through all the setbacks, never, ever stop until you get there. Because I can tell you now it’s all worth it. And there is so much more to come in this incredible life ahead!
Early 20s
Every year will be full of extreme ups and downs, beginning with getting the best job out of one of the best universities in the world, and joining a corporate company as a geologist. Only then to hate every minute sitting behind a desk feeling extremely lonely, helpless, feeling as though you are wasting your early 20s, not being where you want to be, not being pushed, or fulfilled. Fill your time with sport, get strong, take up flying as a hobby like you did at university during your time with the Air squadron, heal the temporary wounds of not being where you want to be with sport and flying.
Dad will eventually say something to you that will change your life forever, “the only person who can change your life is you, if you’re not happy with where you are then you change it.” And so begins the rollercoaster of your 20s.
Applying to the military three times, and failing twice will be a major setback, a huge crush on your vision of where you want to go… a pilot in the Forces. You’ll be stuck at the corporate company for yet another year whilst you apply again for a third time. But do not lose hope, it’ll take five years from your first application, but prove to them what you are made of and smash though the selection and know that you will get there.
Travel: Take time for yourself, travel the world. One of your biggest mottos will become “you don’t ask – you don’t get.” So, ask to defer your place from the Navy for a year and live your best life, spend every penny you earnt as a geologist and travel the world, I highly recommend South America, you’ll love it 😉
Joining the Royal Navy
Join up, but beware that Service life is full of extreme highs and lows. Enjoy basic training at Dartmouth; I didn’t as I was in a toxic relationship with someone who brought me down and made me feel I was worthless. A valuable lesson to learn though, as you deserve the best, the best man who will stand by your side and support you every single step of the way. You will find him, he’ll step into your life through pure chance and support you through everything, but also teach you to be an independent, strong woman when he cannot be around.
Triathlon
Leaving Dartmouth, you’ll experience what it’s like to be a full-time athlete, a lifelong dream of yours. You won’t work for a year because this crazy pandemic spreads across the world and you can’t go to work, just ‘phys’ non-stop. But do not waste this year, use it to train for something big. Something you have always wanted to do but never quite made it happen. Earn that Great Britain vest! It’ll have to be in a sport, though, that doesn’t require any public facilities… Just you, your trainers, a pair of swimming goggles and a bike. Mum and Dad always said you’d take up triathlon, so go full speed, be the best you can be and compete at the European age group championships.
Goal setting
Set yourself a once-a-year goal, something epic! Keep a note in your phone of things you’d like to achieve. They need to scare you, seem almost unachievable, incrementally more mental. People will try to tell you that you can’t, or they can’t fit around your career. But “you can’t” isn’t a thing – you tell them you can, and you make it happen.
Flying training
Flying training will take an age! Four and a half years in and you still won’t be in a helicopter. But elementary flying training in a small, fixed wing aircraft is a good ‘crack’, and you’ll have time to train for the European Championships and do that too… again, people will tell you “you can’t,” but you can, just work hard; at work, in training, at your relationship, and building this awesome van you buy! You won’t have any DIY skills but you’ll learn along the way, just buy a saw and a drill and you’ll work it out.
Make sure you use your hold-over periods for jobs that excite you. If you don’t, the Navy won’t be enough for you, you’ll get bored and look elsewhere. There will be times like this in your career, but remember it’s filled with extreme lows… usually followed by epic highs that will make it worth it.
A couple of years in, you’ll start to build confidence in yourself, in your abilities. You’ll start to realise you’re not your normal woman. You need to be pushed constantly and your version of pushing yourself is breaking historical barriers, trying to trail-blaze, juggling a million things at the same time. And you can, self-doubt will always haunt you and be your biggest enemy but manage your time efficiently and be the best you can be in all aspects of your life.
Green Beret
Lingering on the thought of doing the All-Arms Commando Course for the first three years of your career, you’ll be put off at stages and write it off as being impossible. But you’ll eventually build the courage to send off that application. I definitely recommend giving yourself more than ten weeks beforehand to train!
This course will be the hardest, the worst, but absolutely the best thing you have done in your life to date. The reward for the hardship is like nothing you have experienced before or may ever experience again. You must live this, you can’t learn what you do in this course through listening to other people’s stories or reading books, you will learn things here you can only learn through experienced hardship like mental resilience, determination and courage through adversity.
Here is where you first experience what life has to offer including fear and suffering – both mentally and physically – but it is possible! This is a time where you must endure in silence because no one wants excuses, no one cares that you’re tired, that you’re hurting, that you feel like you’re slacking. Everyone is hurting in their own way. Remember that not all positive change feels positive in the beginning. You will not be special but that’s okay, find your own way of dealing with the feeling of being alone and unsupported during the course, it’s meant to be like that. There will be no praise, no feedback on how you’re getting on but there will be a couple of people on course you can lean on and they will need you too, so support each other. It’ll seem like a huge mountain to climb, and the mountain keeps getting bigger, it’ll make you feel sick at times, the pressure you put on yourself will feel completely overwhelming, the fear of the unknown, the fear of failure will terrify you.
Just take every day as it comes, just get through each event individually, break down each event into mini events, just get through that then attack the next one. You will yomp for hours, and it will hurt everywhere, you will find it extremely hard, the hardest thing you’ve done so far, but just walk to the next bush, then the next one, and the next one. Know that it will end. And others are finding it just as hard as you are. Every hour is a little closer to your green beret, and this will be huge for you!
Mum will be there every single night to call, to cry to, she will be your rock, your biggest fan and top supporter. Your boyfriend too, but he won’t fully understand how to comfort you in this one but he will be the proudest man alive when you run over the line after 30 miles across Dartmoor, after 16 weeks of stress, fatigue, anxiety, he will be there for you. You will feel extremely alone at times on this course but when you can, lean of those you love dearest, you will need them.
Just know that these hardest times will forge your best memories and develop you into the best version of yourself. It will open up a world of opportunities for you. Your walk through the Navy will start to turn into a run and the snowball will start rolling. You’ll launch your own business; you’ll row across the Atlantic and write another line in the history books. You’ll meet the most incredible people on your journey. You’ll thrive off meeting people who inspire you, who have achieved greatness in your eyes, elite human beings, let these people motivate you, learn from them and their mindsets.
But above all else – remain humble, be kind, unselfish, always be smiling, be thoughtful to those around you and those you meet. Life isn’t all about achievements but also about being a good person, a good egg, someone that people want to fight alongside. You may burn some bridges along the way and they will hurt you a hell of a lot, but to go to where you want to go, sometimes sacrifices must be made – just minimise them and any effect on others. This is your journey, this is your life, live it exactly how you want, and never take ‘no’ for an answer because there is always a way.
And then one day out of the blue the Editor of the Naval Review will get in touch and ask you to write about it!
